#BUT I THINK IM DOING PRETTY WELL ALL THINGS CONSIDERED!
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what i think a lot of people tend to forget is the fact that people with visions are actually supposed to be very rare.
visions are also granted to people by their archons, and those with visions (as mentioned by venti i believe when you start the game) are people who have "allogenes" iirc
these people all have the ability to become the next archons, so i imagine the closer and stronger control you have, the closer you can be to be an archon
though it's never really clear what defines an archon and i feel like my only actual clear view of an archon's control was liyue and inazuma, then i kinda forgot the plot and the archons in general cause despite being a focus to find them for answers i am, unfortunately, very weak to pretty men (alhaitham) and fear i no longer care to find the archons in general (though my love for genshin has long faded so my recall of the lore is a bit iffy)
if in theory that we have a blind wriothesley au, i think it'd be important to think of a few things on how wriothesley would operate day-to-day and to what degree he's actually blind.
im going to assume we're going to say he doesn't have an "absolute" type blindness.
something more like:
perhaps more extreme, considering the environment of meropide being kind of dark, limiting his vision a bit more than this.
i actually own a very similar set of boots to wriothesley, including metal plates (love New Rock).
something i think would be interesting to see in a blind au would be:
Wriothesley using the metal on his shoes to tap against different walls/floors of the fortress. the fortress is made of a LOT of metal, and different metals are going to have different thickness and likely, different sounds when hit. not to mention, sounds are going to be a lot "closer" when you're in tighter spaces, meaning he can likely and accurate gauge the depth of the area he's in depending on how "close" these sounds are to him, ensuring a more accurate navigation in differing areas.
some areas of the fortress are really well lit, likely meaning he can see shadows. he can't really discern people from machines when they're clustered together, but he can probably figure it out pretty quickly when he gets closer or the lights get brighter/moved.
metal shoes on the shoes is not exactly the safest shit for grip, especially when you consider a significant amount of the fortress is .. also made of metal. consider alternatively: coating one's fingers/hands in cryo to cause continuous sound when dragging/tapping along the walls to figure out where he's at
his sense of smell is probably also developed a little more than others. certain areas of the fortress just make me feel that the air circulation might be a little less desirable or a little too damp for comfort, so i imagine he's got a mental map of where he'd be based on how stale/damp the air is near him.
consider a mix of "elemental sight" using one's cryo and another sense (hearing/smell) to allow him to sort of vaguely "map" nearby features [ for some reason i think of the horror game Scanner Sombre where you use the LIDAR scanner to map total darkness in a cave to 'see' what surrounds you ]
i don't think wriothesley necessarily needs a "archon level" or "higher level" of control of his cryo element for it to be plausible he could navigate.
although we don't really see it in genshin, i do imagine there are other things like mobility aids available for wriothesley (an excuse for me to give him a black shepherd named cerberus as an eye-seeing guide dog)
though, as one can already guess and just based off a lot of the designs of the maps, it's likely that our dear duke would have to sort of figure out a lot of these things on his own with the way the fortress is built (and has zero disabled people in mind)
Remember the days when the fandom thought Wriothesley was blind?
Yeah... we should AU that. 🤔
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I apologize in advance for the shit im doing to milton r wallace in this google doc
#babbles#i am Not talking about this fic publicly you guys will just have to see the nightmare when it drops#thank you Mich for being my sounding board on this um. uh. thing#i was like HMM I WANNA MAKE A FIC OF MY POLYAM CALLUM/MILT/MARLA TAKE#and now it’s uh. now it’s.#well you know what my writing tends to turn into#look forward to it! AND IM SORRY DOGMAN I CANT IMAGINE THIS WAS YOUR VISION FOR THESE GUYS#BUT I THINK IM DOING PRETTY WELL ALL THINGS CONSIDERED!#milton r wallace
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me: it'd be great if new-trek wasn't constantly so referential to classic trek, let it develop on its own without always being about legacy charac-
lwd: deep space nine?
me: OH THANK GOODNESS THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME LIFE IS THAT ROM IS THAT LEETA IS THAT THE SPACE STATION IS THAT KIRA WITH BUTCH HAIRCUT IS THAT THE PYLONS IS THAT SISKOS IS THA-
#i acknowledge my hypocrisy but consider this: spills water and runs away#with every ds9 reference we get ever closer to... cardassia.....?#to be clear also: i actually do not at all mind the referencing (i think i'll probably enjoy it in prodigy as well when i get to it)#i think it's the re-writing of legacy characters or the smushing of legacy characters into a space that doesn't suit them#for example on snw im pretty 80/20 chill with it and actively think some of the work they're doing (giving uhura more space for example)#is excellent#(the 20% is very veering on spock)#(and also the ship interior designs)#(have a lot of opinions on ship interior designs in modern trek -- why do they look so sterile!!!)#star trek#this is a joke#also ofc the thing about ds9 is that up until lwd it wasnt given the time of day
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i dont think bsd is poorly written at all
#i actually think its pretty well written all things considered#in general weekly/monthly publications have problems becuz the author cant really go back anymore like a published all at once novel or#something#but either way i think bsd is written pretty well#like yeah things dont make sense at times and there r parts that r brought up that we havent seen concluded but uh the manga is ongoing#im not mad at the “loose strings” becuz asagiri still is writing the manga so theres plenty of time for him to address everything#the only real complain i can get behind r all the fake outs (which tbh rlly dont bother me since we have several characters who think on a#level we dont rlly understand)#and honestly i dont think teruko's death was a missed opportunity its true i didnt expect her to be a child but tbh when u look back to her#moments in the manga it totally makes sense#although i do think asagiri could have played it out longer i dont think its bad the way it is#and i dont think it takes away from the tragic aspect of her character
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hi people in my phone I'm 24 years old
#🏺#starting to feel like were getting into the big numbers. spent a good long while in this body and mind. got a fair understanding of them#had a nice birthday and i think im doing pretty well all things considered. the thing is to love life even when you have no stomach for it
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emailed the weird agricultural/spiritual/possible cult place near my mums house to see if they're accepting new members into their taiko ensemble
#this is how it works right#you fill your life back up with things and you feel like you exist again#dont mean that to sound so dark bc it does feel like its working#i think im doing pretty well all things considered#got therapy on monday too
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i love serious businesswoman pirate marina she's so real to me, love that for her !
yeah like she doesn't fuck around when it comes to her business!! she's a professional pirate - and merc on the side - she has a reputation to uphold!!!
like to me, the ~whole saving the world from the elven gods business~ is another gig she signed up for so she's treating it like one. she's very practical and pragmatic, and she does whatever she can to succeed in this particular endeavor. like she hardly banters with people when she's in business mode lmfao the only time she jokes around is when she's out of her office hours.
one thing that i wish for though is for the dialogues to be much more mean/stricter. i've gone past the weisshaupt quest and i wish you can be more mean on lucanis for flopping LMFAO like sorry king but to me marina would be sm harder on him since she hired him for that job but he didn't do it right, so what is he good for? if he can't do the one thing she asks for then she has no need for him, and she'd just get someone else. likewise i don't see her being sad about the prospect of davrin sacrificing himself when he's going to kill the archdemon bc that's like. why he's in here in the first place LMFAO like to me, marina would be like well this is what you signed up for 🤷 like she detaches her personal feelings from business. like in a personal level ofc she would be sad if davrin did die but in the end that comes with the job u know.... like she's so serious business woman to me she'd thrive in succession
#like to her she sees them as a crew. yes they can joke around and make friends and be close with each other but in the end of the day#you people are hired to do your own jobs so she expects them to do it. and if they can't then she has no need of them#i also think she's a pretty hardened woman which isn't much of a surprise considering the lore drop of her#being a tevinter galley slave before. and she's like a female elven mage at that so she probably went through sm shit#and i hc she's dalish but she got taken/or her clan got raided before she ever got her vallaslin so that was when she was fairly young too#so it's not a surprise to me that she's hardened and she comes off as a hard ass. i also think she doesn't think much of the heroic types#since to her they're all talk but most can't match their words. and it was the pirates who saved her from her slaver anyway so she#has more respect towards people who actually does shit instead of people who claim to be this one thing but they're not.#i consider marina as the hawkebela daughter too hehe and i think she would've been more cynical but hawke rubbed off on her when she was#traveling with bela's crew lol. like my hawke is blue hawke so she's insanely nice and very the hero type and i think marina would get her#more heroic streak from her too. nice person inspiring you to do good as well etc etc.#anyway i do think marina is nice though. though i think she can get a bit selfish and self preservation is like. one of the big things with#her i feel. but im still finding more abt her character as i go but thats like ^ concepts i hav for her so far#i do like the idea of a serious business pirate woman LMFAO like she'd thrive if she was in an office#but her 9 to 5 is like. stealing and raiding shit. and i think she's a proper pirate too not just an archeologist#bellara showing her the elven artifact vault like why are you showing her that 😭😭😭 dont ask surprised when these go missing later#oc: marina.
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"hey can you just watch him for 10-15 mins?" *proceeds to leave me in charge of a whole baby for FOURTY MINUTES.
#please never do this to me again. i cant with babies. im not a baby person i dont like holding them i dont like them touching me i dont like#them getting their spit all over me im SORRY all my respect to them and their parents but i am not a baby enthusiast#henry and i are hesitant acquaintances now but good god. i managed to entertain him SOMEHOW and keep him quiet#and i focussed so hard on keeping my phobia in check like i didnt even gag half the time there was spit dribbling out of his mouth and#i only threw up a little bit in my mouth when he grabbed my hand with his fingers covered in spit#i think i managed pretty well all things considered#soph txts#txt#i know this reads so mean and i PROMISE im not one of those people that are like#'ugh babies are monsters and disgusting and should be locked away inside so no one has to see them'#i just personally can not handle babies and do not like them and thats not their fault its 100% on me#but please for the love of god do not hand me your baby. im begging you.
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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement
It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao
#speculation nation#i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno#also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol#but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication#like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol#but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them#and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr#but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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Why did my cooking dream get hijacked by my brain making a William Afton oc and au what was that about.
#luly talks#my dreams#I'll peace like i can recollect it was weird#bc it literally was ME BUYING GROCERIES W MY DAD but then the line between when we ended and Michael and William started blurred#i remember the grocery store very well also bc it was very similar to the one i go always to but smaller and more sepia#it was dark for a grocery store like it was just letting sunlight in#pears were half off like some black friday offer so all the products were suuuper cheap#i saw one bottle of milky pear juice for like 1k. and the same w these 4 stacks of frozen waffles who were like 1070.#or this bottle of pear pancake mixture that had 2 or 4 lts#it was kind of when i went away that thr lines started blurring so let me tell you what i remember about this Afton:#he didnt seem. murderous. he was grocery shopping w his kid for fuck's sake 😭 i think he was even sitting somewhere while i ran back and#forth taken aback by these offers? like kinda dismissive at best#uh. Henry was brought up believe it or not. it was like... they broke up or something? like he was kinda upset about the mention but like#in a i dont want to explain why im not with him rn sort of way#very insecure he seemed. like he run into this woman who might've been someone but idk who was whom asked sbout henry and bro was SWEATING#you'd say dream william was a fucking loser he just got locked in thinking like what do i say and HOW do i say it#to make it sound casual but also not weird.#bc on top of all he also seemed to have some weird gender things going on bc he first instinct when trying to explain himself to the woman#(who i cannot stress enough was super friendly like a fucking neighbor or something just going hey hi! hows da family? ^_^)#was to refer to them both as girls as this jokey comradery Let's Ignore The Topic thing before going No That's Bad I Can't Say That#this whole internal monologue in my dream happened in a sort of comic panel thing btw where shit went from these warm browns and greens and#shit from the grocery store to jarring black and whites and reds as William tried to have a straight thought#looks wise unfortunately not a lot going on.though considering this was literally my dream getting turned over can we say my Afton is argie#something something my turn stealing from them etc etc or whatever#uh. brown hair. but not too dark. it was greying and that was making it lighter. also very angular face as you'd expect#high cheekbones pretty eyebrows no facial hair. hair was a bit longuish tho? like a messy ear length maybe?#he had a button up w buttons lose bc it's so hot and humid rn also sunglasses which i know 100% was influenced bc the last design i rbed#a little.before napping#also he had age makes too though his age was most visible in his scrawny long exposed neck#me/mike change was minimal bc we're both pale and brunette hit tag limit so hope y'all like my brain's oc i guess 😭
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ummmm ok life update. done with high school so i have so much free time on my hands. lots of time to write. + i finally got medicated so hopefully now it will not take me months to write each chapter.
probably will update flamingo first but killing me softly will get an update at some point too. thanks for sticking around this long. i love you all
#not fic#talking to myself#update#been in some pretty good therapy regarding my loss from last summer and it’s been really helpful#grief is still not linear but i’m still doing the best i can with every day i get and im doing pretty well i think all things considered
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like, i’m sorry, but when you really think abt it, the aurora hate makes 0 sense. she was a teenage girl thrown forward thousands of years in time (already fucking stressful). add to this the fact that she had a twin brother. she was very close to him. he died protecting her. he came back a monster. he was left out of the Great Family Reunion Sleepover because of it, so he lived those years. and it puts a wall up between him and aurora, for multiple reasons. 1) he became a feared assassin leader and developed his powers and learned to live as a lone survivor after his family abandoned him (i personally believe aurora would’ve fought tooth and nail to try and stay with her twin, so it wasn’t abandonment on purpose on her part). 2) for aurora, her brother died and came back wrong because of her and that happened to her, like, last week. she has not gotten over that trauma. she probably feels incredibly guilty over it still, and she’s definitely scared that castor might hate her over it. they’re jst not emotionally nor psychologically on the same level and it’s rlly heartbreaking.
#memorie.txt#p.fated#aurora is… i’m sorry i get rlly emotional over her.#im doomed to love characters that authors and fandoms alike hate because she’s ’getting in the way of the ship’#consider that.. she literally jst woke up. last week. that’s incredibly disorienting. also she’s a teenager.#the things she did were pretty juvenile villain work all things considered. she’s jst a teenage girl like i do not know what to say#i’m an aurora defender but more than that im an aurora nurturer.#i think abt her and start crying#i jst rlly rlly rlly get caught up on the sibling relationship and how i wish i could see it!!!!!!!!!!!#i feel so fucking CHEATED because NO WAY castor did not IMMEDIATELY spend all his time w his twin sister#i…………………….#i don’t know if im making sense btw but like you get me. right. right?#maybe i’ll rb that voice note ask thing again & somebody can send in smth abt aurora because im NOT well abt her
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Semi related I've mostly come to peace with a possible outcome of something in a very.... While I am able, and have the money to, I deserve to do and experience things other kids my age are already doing because there's going to be a real big change that happens soon and it's gonna take allll my money (and probably a full time job again) to even come close to paying for it
#and if anyone gets upset at me for choices in My Life well. Im 20. my brains not fully developed. YOU were doing the same things at my age.#I deserve some happiness too. Especially while I can actually afford it#elias howls#and also. i think. for how i grew up and who i grew up around that what im doing is pretty okay in the grand scheme of things#i like to think I'm doing pretty okay for myself all things considered#even if I end up job huntin again. I'll be aggressive this time
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#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the#best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b#like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional#control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood#weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start#crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way#not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things.#thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi#now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me.#working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning &#prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st.#task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in#this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do#moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an#then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose#things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the#picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to#absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal#away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i#still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop#switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping#would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is#but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually#unrelated#i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static#but focus is not a thing i cna control
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